The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COCAINE IS GR8
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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