2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
