fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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