Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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