I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
