i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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