Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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