Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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