He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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