I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
