I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
