Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
