i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
