Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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