I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
