ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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