i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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