i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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