Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
