Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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