She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize