god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize