I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
