Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
