I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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