he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
