hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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