my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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