And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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