I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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