the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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