Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
