I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize