My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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