stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
