In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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