How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
