I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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