So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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