So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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