I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm jealous of your bromance
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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