once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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