i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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