K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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