Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
