if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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