If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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