i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
