My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize