GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
