I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
