I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
