I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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