Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
