Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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