he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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