I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
