the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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