Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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