I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize