True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ttyl tear gas
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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