32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
